Time, Love, & Greasiness?

Being a working mother is a serious balancing act.  Sometimes there's just not enough time in the day (or enough wine in the northern hemisphere) to get it all done before having to start over again.  But fear not, working mommies of the cyber world, as I will now share some time-saving tips that are sure to lighten your load... of laundry.

1. If you don't do it already, start peeing in the shower. We all know that your bladder is wrecked after pushing 8 pounds of child from your hoo-ha, so eliminating one bathroom trip a day will surely add 90 seconds back to your daily life. 

2. Speaking of showers, I was going to recommend purchasing a two-in-one shampoo & conditioner combo to save you another 90 seconds, but seriously, those work about as well as your bladder does now.  So I say skip it all together.  When people start to wonder why your hair is greasier than those Jersey Shore brats, you can tell them you are boycotting shampoo in order to free Tibet.  You will look smart AND compassionate. Or maybe just greasy...

3. Start pumping gas BEFORE you go into the station to buy that bottle of cab you are going to drink tonight.  Alone. In its entirety.

4.  While you're at it, you might as well just drink straight from the bottle.  One less glass to clean.

5.  Do dishes WHILE you cook.  Or just make your husband do them.

6. Wear the same thing to work.  Every day.  This will save you countless minutes from standing naked in your closet wondering two things:  "What on earth am I going to wear today and WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY ASS???"
*bonus:  this will significantly cut back the amount of laundry you have to do, and your coworkers will eventually stop talking to you & asking you to do menial tasks on the job once the smell kicks in.

Now that you have all this extra time on your hands, you might as well pick up an extra bottle of cab at the gas station, because you might be spending that extra time trying to forget the fact that you could fry bacon in your hair or that you smell like you just got back from Woodstock. Just don't forget to pump the gas first! Cheers!