All the Single Mommies!

exhibit A: Facebook upload from 3/28, 11:16 pm.

Now put your hands up! No, not because Beyonce told you to, but because this is a robbery. Yes, I have been robbed of my spouse. He is currently working away from home and staying (partying) with his college roommate, rendering me a single parent five days a week. Let's just make it an even (odd?) seven, since he seems to forget basic parenting skills from drinking boot-shaped beers in my absence. See exhibit A.
I have always admired & respected the abilities of single mothers, and I have recently discovered just how difficult it truly is to raise a child without a partner...
First of all, I like to use the phrase "all the dirty diapers" loosely.  As in, "Ben, I ALWAYS change ALL the dirty diapers, it's YOUR turn".  This statement is perfectly true behind the lenses of my mommy-glasses, but in reality, notsomuch. With my husband gone, I really DO have to change all the dirty diapers.  It's just as well anyways (see exhibit B).
The diapers aren't the worst of it though.  Gone are the days of my shoving-the-mister-out-of-bed-so-I-can-sleep-for-ten-more-minutes mornings.  At approximately 7:48 this morning, I woke to the pleasant sound of my son screaming like he just found out that Jake and the Neverland Pirates had been cancelled. I trudged to his bedroom, scooped him up, trudged back to my bedroom, and tossed both of our behinds under the covers.  The screaming continued... I needed a diversion.  I felt around the nightstand until I was able to wrap my fingers around the first object within reach.  "Here baby, play with a thermometer". He wasn't buying it. Doesn't he understand I had a very late night watching and contemplating the deeper meaning behind The Goonies?  Of course not. So up it was to greet the day, screaming child in tow.  This would have never happened if I wasn't a single mother...

exhibit B: what happens when ben has diaper duty.

When my husband is home being a part-time father, we keep a few simple rules in place, the biggest one being the "out of bed routine".  First one out of bed makes the coffee, last one out makes the bed.  If you were paying attention to the above paragraph instead of drooling all over your keypad in boredom, you will probably know who does which.  Besides, I'm pretty sure my husband purposefully makes the bed to look like it's just come home from war in order to never have to make it again.  I'm onto you, mister. Now, as a single mother, I am required to both make the bed AND the coffee.  This is just absurd.
I am also now responsible for any and all meals to be consumed by myself or my child.  "Hunny, I've had a really hard day and just didn't have time to make dinner because I couldn't get off the couch.  I'm sorry... there was an LA Ink marathon on TV".  This excuse just doesn't cut the mustard anymore.  I have no one to bail me out when things get tough.  Like yesterday... I had to walk away from America's Next Top Model to prepare food for my child. But hey, when you're a single mother you have to make sacrifices.
Being a single parent is all about multitasking with poise & balance. For instance, opening and pouring a glass of wine while simultaneously propping your screaming child on the counter top.  Or blogging while removing sharp, pointy objects from your child's mouth. It's a tough job, but somebody's gotta do it.